Thank goodness for Daniel Dale

Daniel Dale tweets out Trump rallies so I don't have to listen to them.

Here he is in South Carolina:



It was a dark and stormy night.  (All horror stories being this way.)

Trump begins by making the following claim of his "rocky" flight: "They said, 'sir would you mind going back. Would you mind if we didn't stop?' I said, 'there's no way.'"

Trump tries to make fun of Mark Sanford, who famously claimed to be hiking the Appalachian Trail while he was with his lover in Argentina, but Trump calls it "the Tallahassee Trail."

The president is listing various states he won in the 2016 election.

Trump says South Carolina Gov. Henry McMaster is good in varous substantive ways and also "sort of like this handsome guy." I believe he is commenting on men's handsomeness much more frequently in the last couple months.

The president on being in Asia and not the United States: "There's like this massive difference in time. Who knows."

Trump was about to accuse the "fake news" of not covering something today, then he got distracted by himself and never finished.

"Look at all those fake newsers back there," the president says to encourage more booing.

Trump is doing his routine about how he made the Olympics a success, because he got North Korea to participate, and that boosted ticket sales, because before, "People did not want to be nuked in a stadium as they watched the opening ceremonies."

Trump is doing some extended mockery of Hillary Clinton. "She blamed everybody for losing the election except for one person: herself. And you know the funny thing is..."

Trump is now *praising* Clinton because he feels people are calling her a bad candidate to minimize his own accomplishment in beating her: "Honestly she was a tough candidate. She wasn't a bad candidate. But they refuse to say I was a good candidate."

Trump says his supporters are the real elites. "You know what you are? The super-elites. I'm changing titles." "You're smarter, you're better, you're more loyal. We have the greatest base in the history of politics."

OK now we're on Jimmy Fallon. The president: "The guy screws up my fair, goin' back and forth. He was so disappointed to find out it was real, he couldn't believe. Well that's one of the great things I got. Everyone used to say my hair's phony."

Now we're on Stephen Colbert. "What a lowlife," Trump says.

Donald Trump: "I can laugh at myself...But there's no talent. They're not like talented people. Johnny Carson was talented."

The president on Jimmy Fallon: "He looks like a lost soul."

I don't say this lightly: this is one of the weirdest speeches I've ever seen Trump give.

Yeah, I don't know whether this is supposed to be a campaign stop for a South Carolina politician or for Trump, but WTF?

He's either on too much drugs or needs more.

Trump says NBC might be worse than CNN even though his ratings on NBC were so good. "And they wanted to renew my contract. They wanted to renew my contract."

The president notes that Arnold Schwarzenegger took over his show and got much worse ratings. He says his wife told him, "You know there's nobody that can take your place." He adds: "How smart is that?" Trump on the first lady: "She has got a great style." The president says the first lady had a kidney operation, didn't get a facelift. "I would let you know," he says.

The president says Gallup also "treats me horribly." He explains: "You know, polls are fake news also."

I'll remember that the next time he cites one.

Trump says "15,000 or 20,000" people couldn't get into his Minnesota rally. He originally tweeted 10,000, then the next day said 15,000, now has added another 5,000.

After a build that wall chant erupts, Trump falsely says, "It's not build that wall anymore. It's continue building that wall. Because we're building it." Wall construction hasn't begun. Trump then adds his usual false claim about the wall being built in San Diego.

The president: "Some people have said I have the greatest political instincts in 50 years. I don't think so. But I have my own feeling."

Do those people at these rallies not notice how unhinged, rambling, and nonsensical this idiot is? Never mind.  I think I know the answer.

After talking about North Korea - and himself, really - the president spent about 17 minutes speaking solely about himself, celebrities, and his wife, without even a hint of a policy issue.

Trump is repeatedly accusing Democrats of not caring if criminals enter the country. "They don't mind crime," he says. He adds: "It's the party of Maxine Waters - do you believe her?" (Boos.) "No no, this has become the party of Maxine Waters and Nancy Pelosi."

Trump is repeating his almost certainly fictional claim that someone came to him and said they need 5,000 more immigration judges. One of his lie tells is when he tells a story about someone telling him something and calling him "SIR." "SIR, we need 5,000 judges."

Trump falsely says "we have thousands of judges already" on immigration. Congress has budgeted for 484 judges. Fewer than 400 are currently in place.

Trump is now ranting about Trudeau's G7 press conference. He complains about Canada's milk tariffs, and he adds, "Their lumber is a disaster with us."

Trump on his connection to the European Union: "I had two parents. European Union."

Trump notes that he is threatening Canada with a tariff on "your cars." Many of those cars are made by American companies and have heavy American content.

Trump says Canada and the European [Union] don't allow access to US farmers. Canada is the top market for US agriculture exports. The EU is fifth. $32 billion total in 2017.

Trump falsely claims the US "lost $817 billion" on trade last year. The trade deficit was $566 billion when counting goods and services. The $800 billion figure ignores trade in services. This is about the 39th time Trump has said this as president.

Trump says he can tell a guy in front of him in the audience is successful. "I can see the eyes," he explains.

As he has at every recent rally, Trump angrily recounts John McCain's health care vote: "He went nooo. Well he campaigned on repeal and replace...perhaps he was grandstanding. Who knows what he was doing....everybody said what the hell happened?"

Trump says he has not been using the Teleprompter all night because it's "boring." He mocks his own regular speech lines, saying in an exaggeratedly boring voice, "America is back. Bigger and better and stronger than ever."

"Now it's 511 days," the president says of his 522-day-old administration.

He's been in a drug haze for 11 of them, no doubt.

Trump says American air is better than ever. The American Lung Association tells me this might be true -- because of regulations put in place before Trump, none by Trump.

Trump does his now-regular false claim about cutting more regulations than any president "whether it's four years, eight years, 16 years." The longest-serving president died after just over 12 years. He just keeps saying it.

Trump says that "NASA is now open for business," but he says he prefers that wealthy men do their own space exploration: "You got rich guys, for whatever reason, they love rockets. We don't have to put up so much money." Trump says that his government will "take all the credit" if rich guys achieve a big achievement with their privately funded space exploration. "Nobody's going to remember their name," he says, but they'll remember "our name."

For at least the 15th time, Trump falsely claims the U.S. has spent $7 trillion in the Middle East. He has wildly exaggerated a Brown University estimate of $5.6 trillion including estimated future costs.

"CANADA. You know Canada - nice guy, nice guy. Prime Minister. Justin. I say Justin, what's your problem, Justin. So Canada. O Canada. I like their national anthem. I like ours better, however."

[...]

Well, that speech is over.

I don't know how you do it, Daniel. But I'm grateful.

UPDATE:

Aha.







I think I was right about the drugs.

Video, if you can take it.



You gotta watch this:

There's a space cadet holding up a sign that says SPACE FORCE.