Sad!

 Oh well, she still has it, and she can look at it whenever she needs a little boost.

UK cinema chain Vue's premiered Melania at its flagship Islington branch in London at 3.10pm on Friday, but only one person bought a ticket.

The later, 6pm screening did twice as well, selling two tickets.

  Mirror

Well, that's in the UK. How about in America? We'll find out. It opens in theaters tomorrow.

Melania Trump told Fox News in December: "For the first time, global audiences are invited into theaters to witness this pivotal chapter unfold—a private, unfiltered look as I navigate family, business, and philanthropy on my remarkable journey to becoming first lady of the United States of America."

  Newsweek

Narcissistic?

Amazon MGM Studios paid a reported $40 million (£29m) for the glossy documentary, along with a marketing budget of some $35million (£25m). The marketing budget is particularly notable, lining up with the kind of budget a studio might assign to a smaller feature, but not a documentary.

The studio chose not to preview Melania for critics, but the First Lady and Ratner held a private screening in the East Room of the White House last weekend.

[...]

Rebuffing suggestions that Amazon boss Jeff Bezos had splashed such an enormous budget on what has been described as Melania Trump’s “vanity project,” an Amazon MGM Studios spokesperson said: “We licensed the film for one reason and one reason only — because we think customers are going to love it.”

Melania is [director Brett Ratner's] first film since he was cancelled nearly a decade ago after being accused of sexual misconduct and harassment. (He has denied any wrongdoing.)

  Hollywood Reporter

How appropriate.

Are people in the US buying advance tickets?

Louisiana's governor has the same problem:

Somebody's about to be fired at CNN...

UPDATE 01/30/2026:  Guardian review ...

This mood of cosy conviviality extends all the way through the opening credits; at which point the chill descends and the novocaine kicks in, as the film’s star and executive producer proceeds to guide us – with agonising glacial slowness – through the preparations for her husband’s second presidential inauguration. She glides from the fashion fitting to the table setting, and from the “candlelit dinner” to the “starlight ball”, with a face like a fist and a voice of sheet metal. “Candlelight and black tie and my creative vision,” she says, as though listing the ingredients in a cauldron. “As first lady, children will always remain my priority,” she coos, and you can almost picture her coaxing them into her little gingerbread house.

No doubt there is a great documentary to be made about Melania Knauss, the ambitious model from out of Slovenia who married a New York real-estate mogul and then found herself cast in the role of a latter-day Eva Braun, but the horrific Melania emphatically isn’t it. It’s one of those rare, unicorn films that doesn’t have a single redeeming quality.

[...]

Melania moves through the action like a listless automaton, talking constantly but saying nothing, squired from Mar-a-Lago to Trump Tower to her final destination, the White House. What drama there is chiefly hinges on her concern that her white blouse is too loose at the neck and needs to be cut and then tightened, much to the consternation of the fitters. Melania misses her mother, she says, but she loves Michael Jackson and Barron and possibly her husband as well, although Trump himself is mostly a background presence here, shuffling in at intervals to brag about his election win and complain that his inauguration clashes with the televised college football playoffs. “They probably did it on purpose,” he says.

It’s dispiriting, it’s deadly and it’s spectacularly unrevealing. [...] “White and gold – that’s so you,” purrs one of her lickspittles as she busies herself with the colour-scheme for the ball and the incoming first lady allows that yes indeed, this is true.

It’s no spoiler to reveal that phew, thank heavens, Trump’s second inauguration goes swimmingly well in the end. [...] “Being awake for 22-hours felt like nothing,” she gushes, which is nice to hear and good for her. But the fun’s not infectious and the guests are a nightmare, and two hours of Melania feels like pure, endless hell.

  Guardian

 

 Which was it?  I hate to spoil it, but I don't see how it couldn't have been a smash at the box office when there are plenty of rich people trying to curry favor with Old Orange Mussolini who could buy up the tickets.  We won't know if anyone actually went to the theater.

Melania’s early failure comes as a new report from Rolling Stone details serious labor issues behind the scenes and a whopping two-thirds of the film’s staff requesting not to be credited at the end of the film.

  The New Republic

Oh my.

Director Brett Ratner, who made headlines after six women accused him of sexual assault and harassment during the #MeToo movement in 2017, was perhaps the most loathed person on set. (Actress Natasha Henstridge alleged that Ratner forced her to perform oral sex on him when she was 19, Olivia Munn claimed that Ratner masturbated in front of her, and more recently, he was pictured shirtless in the Epstein files.)

Sounds like the perfect choice to direct. Or maybe he blackmailed his way in with threats of releasing photos of Trump at Epstein parties.

[One crew] member recalled a day when Ratner feasted on his own meal in a set space where food was not allowed, on a day when no one else on the crew got a break to eat.

[...]

“Unfortunately, if [the film] does flop … I would really feel great about it,” said another.

Melania herself is pocketing $28 million from the licensing sale.

Of course.

UPDATE 01/30/2026 06:40 pm:   Oh, timing, what a trickster you are.

New batch of Epstein files released today.

And, oh my...

UPDATE 01/31/2026: